What Mayo Did Next


DEFEATED, inches from the finish line. The cruel fate that seems to be the destiny of Mayo GAA. Runners-up. Second place. Thank you, please try again. But as history has proven, we are not judged by our defeats, but by how we handle ourselves in defeat. By what we do next. And so it falls to Mayo; what next?

“We’re not wasting any time this year, we were back out training this morning at 4am,” said Micheel Beag McHannilan, senior aide to the Mayo football team.

“There’s no off-season this time. We’ve had enough of this ‘always the bridesmaid’ shit, so we’re throwing our every effort into it. The team will train every day, and twice on Sundays”.

McHannilan confided in WWN that revolutionary new tactics were being employed in a bid to make sure the Mayo GAA team line out in 2017 in ‘peak condition’.

“We’ve got ourselves a new cryo-stasis chamber yoke on the go,” beamed the part-time postman proudly.

“Once we feel a footballer is as fit as he’s going to get, he goes into the freezer and is preserved until match day. There’ll be none of this craic of playing a season of club football, going to Santa Ponsa with the lads in the summer and falling off a moped four weeks before the championship opener shite”.

Other steps to ensure success have also been put into development, including a controversial plan to keep the Dublin football team in Coppers by plying them with women and free drink for twelve straight months.