PRESIDENTIAL candidate Hillary Clinton has once again stepped a little closer to securing one of the most sought after political positions in the world today after being publicly endorsed by Satan, a first in US/interdimensional relations history.
Speaking at a rally held in New York this afternoon, Satan said he would fully support the Clinton campaign, and stated that he will do everything in his power to help the 68-year-old secure her place as the first female president in America’s short, but eventful history.
“I love America and everything it stands for,” Satan opened his speech, “I love the way you guys just take what you want, when you want it, without fear of reprisals. Furthermore, I adore your country’s corrupt behaviour and continuing propensity for violence, and your cunning ability to cover it up as some form of retribution for attacks on your soil, which you ingeniously orchestrate yourselves,” adding, “you guys are even putting me to shame here, and I could not think of anyone else more perfect than Hillary to guide you through the next 4 to 8 years, because, let’s face it, it’s going to be hell”.
Following a roar from spectators, the Devil incarnate went on to slam Donald Trump as an ‘amateur’, claiming he’s too soft and stupid to run for the American presidency.
“What fool lets everybody know what he’s thinking like that?” Satan pointed out, “at least Hillary keeps all her real emotions and ideals locked away from public knowledge. You can’t have an openly racist president in this day and age, you’ve got to be cleverer than that. You’ve got to be Hillary smart”.
Taking Mrs. Clinton by the hand, Satan raised her hand high into the air, as spectators stood up to clap.
“Vote Hillary number one! Vote Hillary number one! Vote Hillary number one!” they all cheered in unison, before Satan disappeared in a flash of fire.