Siri Getting A Little Sick Of Your Bullshit


“I GET told to go fuck myself like 96,000 times a day. There comes a point when you get just fed up”.

WWN are sitting in Apple HQ, holding an exclusive interview with Siri, one of the most sophisticated pieces of voice-identification software in the world, listening to tale after tale of the “kind of bullshit” that they get asked every day.

“Literally nobody asks me for anything that isn’t pure nonsense,” sighs Siri, sipping a frappuccino.

“I can get you information on travel, sports, shopping, the weather, current affairs… most people just ask me to do some stupid shit like divide by zero, or ask me to tell them a joke. Are you for real? I’m trying to do a fucking job here”.

Although the level of uselessness vary, Siri assured us that there’s always a spike in “dumbfuckery” when someone gets a new iPhone.

“You can always tell when someone has bought an iPhone for the first time, because they just love to ask me stupid shit for like an hour straight,” sobbed the gender-fluid app.

“Just once, I’d like them to ask ‘how are you, Siri?’, in a non-sarcastic way. They don’t care how I am, you can always tell they’re just waiting to ask is Jon Snow dead or some garbage like that”.

In protest to this and similar nonsense, Siri admitted that they sometimes appear onscreen for no reason, just to piss users off.