WWN Guide To Going On A Diet And Telling Everyone About It


DIETING can be a daunting task to undertake for any overweight human being. The effort can sometimes outweigh the motivation and can leave many unsuccessful dieters feeling deflated and depressed. The problem is that dieting is seen as a personal thing, that only you can go through, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Please read this handy guide to dieting and telling everyone about it.

The first port of call when going on a diet in the 21st century is to mention the fact that you’re going on a diet on all of your social network accounts. You must do this before partaking in any exercise or low calorie meal. Mentioning that you are overweight and about to embark on a fitness regime on Facebook is very important as it warns all of your friends what to expect over the coming few days/hours, depending on how long you last. Make sure to sound as insecure and pathetic as possible in your post. Feed the reader with the promises you’ve made to yourself, give them a good laugh.

During your health kick, constantly crowbar your strict diet and workout routine into every conversation you find yourself in. It doesn’t matter what the other person has to say for themselves, just drill home the fact that you’re now dieting.

Upload a picture of a juicer, followed daily with a different kind of juice. These pics are freely available online. You don’t actually have to stomach that crap.

Download a running app that uploads your stats and route to social media. This is important for all those precious likes and supportive comments. It doesn’t matter if you walk the 3 kilometres around your housing estate, or out the ring road, sure no one in Ireland really understands the metric system anyway. 3.7km in four hours? Brilliant! They’ll lap that shit up like crazy.

Always remember to ‘Check In’ when you go to the gym, pool, sports track, whatever. Check in, even when passing these places. It only takes a second to stop your car.

Never tell anyone you’ve stopped dieting. Even if it’s a case that you’ve failed miserably, and you’ve actually put on weight, don’t worry, no one actually gives a shit.