How To Cope When A Complete Stranger Doesn’t Say ‘Hello’ Back To You


FOR MANY Irish people, greeting total strangers is an automated thing, programmed deep into their genetics, forcing them to say hello to everyone they meet.

History Of The Irish Hello

In days of old, under British rule, Irish clans had to develop a mechanism for figuring out where a stranger was from. They would first begin by saying hello, insisting on a response so they could hear an accent. If still unsure, the interrogator would then mention something about the weather, and depending on the response, could determine where exactly that stranger hailed from.

With advances in linguistics and modern day technology in the last 200 years, Irish people soon lost the need to know where a person was from. However, thanks to evolution and their autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for a human’s breathing, heartbeat, and body temperature, many rural Irish people today still find themselves automatically saying hello to strangers.

The Greeting

Greetings vary widely throughout the country and can range from a simple ‘hi’ grunt, to a more elaborate ‘good afternoon, not a bad auld day out there now’.

Whatever the case may be, all these greetings are performed automatically thanks to ancestral genes that litter your body, so don’t panic. Many greeters can find themselves saying hello to dozens of people every day and not even realise that they are saying it. However, once a greeter fails to get a response, an enzyme is released into the the Irish brain, which can leave the greeter yearning for a reply, which can sometimes lead to symptoms of loneliness, abandonment or even violent outbursts. These are natural, instinctual feelings derived from hundreds of years of evolution, so don’t worry. It’s okay to feel a little put out if someone blanks your hello.

How To Cope When A Complete Stranger Doesn’t Say Hello Back To You

Now that you know a little history about why Irish people say hello to strangers, and that the whole thing is hereditary, it should give you a wider perspective on the whole greeting phenomenon. So how do you deal with it? Well, there are a number of ways which WWN will outline here:

  1. Ask them what their fucking problem is. This is a must in any case of saying hello to someone and they don’t return the greeting. How fucking dare they ignore you after you made the effort. Simply turn on your heels and shout at the top of your voice ‘Hey, asshole/assholette, what’s your fucking problem?’ This is usually enough to get a reply out of them. Keep following the stranger and repeating the question if they fail once again to reply. They deserve that much at least, especially if they stared at you when you said hello and said nothing. Fucking cheek of them.
  2. Say nothing and follow them home. If they have a car, key it with the words ‘say hello next time, cunt”. Urinate into their letter-box. Shave their cat. Ring up a local quarry and have them tip four tonnes of sand in their driveway. Wankers.
  3. Try using a different greeting. Now that I think about it, this should probably be the first thing you should do. But where is the fun in that, huh? If they fail again, go to step 1 or 2.
  4. Don’t say hello. Joking! This is not an option.
  5. Don’t let them pass. Make sure to say hello well in advance so that you can reach your hand out and stop the stranger in their tracks. Clotheslines are optional, depending on how annoying their stupid fucking face is.We usually reach out our hand and stop them, before asking them ‘what’s the magic words?’. If they fail to say hello, then just beat it out of them until they do. In fact, we always use this technique and swear by it.