Zika Pulls Out Of Rio Olympics

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FOLLOWING mounting pressure from competing athletes and the Olympic governing body, the Zika virus is to pull out of Rio 2016 to allow everyone take part.

The news comes following the announcement by yet another high-profile member of the Irish Olympic squad, Shane Lowry, who followed Rory McIlroy’s lead and opted out of competition due to fear of the dreaded mosquito-borne virus.

“We have no other option but to ask the Zika virus to remove itself from the Olympics,” said a spokesperson for the World Health Organisation.

“Don’t get me wrong, if the virus was in any other poor country, we would be able to ignore it altogether. But the fact it’s in Brazil, and the Olympics are in Brazil… well, it’s just not acceptable for us to be shown doing nothing to combat it. So it has to leave”.

Following the news the virus, which specifically targets the richest and therefore most vulnerable people on the planet, issued a statement in which it apologised for causing serious birth defects in unborn babies, and frightening some very wealthy people.

“My bad,” said the Zika virus, earlier today.

Meanwhile, there was a sigh of relief among the lesser known participants in the Olympics, who were being forced at gunpoint to represent their countries in the games despite the risk of infection.

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