Man Bag Found To Contain Keys, Fuck All Else

WWN can exclusively reveal that the fashionable man-bag sported by one Waterford man has been found to contain his house keys, maybe a receipt or two, and that’s pretty much it.

The revelation was made after James Kennelly, 27, accidentally left his Tom Baker leather over-the-shoulder bag behind at a Dungarvan cafe, before retrieving it an hour later.

Staff attempting to find the identity of the bag’s owner unzipped the €65 satchel, and discovered that it contained a whole pile of fuck all.

This discovery adds credence to the belief that man-bags are primarily a fashion accessory, and claims that “they’re handy for carrying all my stuff” no longer stand up to any sort of scrutiny.

“All that was in the bag was keys, and I’d say that was just to stop them jagging him in the balls through his skinny jeans,” said Carol Maher, who was working in the cafe at the time.

“Other than that, the bag was as clean as the day he bought it. It even still had the wee packet of silica gel in the bottom”.

The sparsity of the contents of Kennelly’s man-bag seems to be typical of MBs across the country, with some experts suggesting that if it wasn’t for carrying a rolled-up jumper on days when it gets too hot, most man-bags would never be unzipped.