What Happens To Ireland If Britain Leaves The EU?


AS the Brexit campaign heads into its final leg before the British people vote on whether or not they should stay in the EU, the fear mongering in Ireland is at an all time high.

What exactly will become of Ireland and what are the immediate consequences for the Emerald Ilse in the event of Britain leaving the EU? WWN crunched the numbers and checked the facts in an effort to keep you informed of just what lies ahead.

Here’s what we know:

Although no scientific explanation has been provided yet, it is almost 100% certain Ireland’s entire milk supply will turn sour and a plague will descend upon all our crops in the case of a ‘leave’ vote winning out.

The exchange rate will suffer, with 1 pound sterling equal to 45 euros AND a lock of your first born child’s hair.

Enda Kenny has already promised to break down sobbing in an uncontrollable fit of raw emotion. Experts are unclear how this effects Ireland as a whole as the Taoiseach’s only previous emotion was emptiness.

The chances of there ever being a united Ireland will either enhance or decrease by 50% depending on who you speak to.

Irish people looking to move to England will now have to change their names to something more suited to the new culture they find themselves in, just like Chinese lads working in McDonalds do. Seans will become Basils, Ciaras will become Cornelias and so on.

Boris Johnson’s erection will have to be aggressively suppressed using a 2 tonne weight.

Pulling out during sex will be renamed ‘doing a Brexit’. And, sadly, the Irish accent will be 71% less effective when chatting up British people.

Rest assured Irish soccer fans will still be allowed support their childhood football teams.

Irish citizens will see an increase in the frequency of late night calls from a lonely Angela Merkel just want to ‘talk to someone’. On occasion Germany will lash out at Ireland like an abusive parent who is working through some major guilt issues, knowing they could have done more to keep Britain in.