Dublin Man Beaten To Death For Querying Climate Change


GARDAI have confirmed the tragic death of a man believed to have been set upon by a gang of climate change campaigners, after a heated argument turned violent this afternoon.

At 4:34pm, three men and one woman reportedly kicked and punched a man in his mid twenties, shortly after expressing his opinion on climate change to them on a busy Dublin city street.

“They were handing out fliers on global warming on Grafton street,” one eyewitness confirmed. “Then, all of a sudden, they attacked him without warning. They kept calling him ignorant and stupid throughout the whole ordeal” adding “There was blood everywhere”.

Several bystanders confirmed the dead man confronted the group about climate change and went on to ask how they could be so sure it was caused by man, as humans have only been recording the climate for the last couple of centuries, on a planet that’s 4.5 billion years old.

“The poor man was heard saying that the ice caps were actually growing, not shrinking, and asked one of the campaigners, if they thought humans caused the ice-age too,” Investigating officer Tadgh Roche told reporters this evening “He was obviously a conspiracy nut, but he didn’t deserve that”.

“We advise people not to approach the group. And, under no circumstances, try to debunk the issue of climate change, but just call the Gardai instead”.

So far this year over 2,567 people have been beaten to death in Ireland for querying climate change, a 21% increase from 2015, forcing the government to implement a new 10% funeral tax on all climate change deaths.