Calculating House Prices: The Definitive Guide


SELLING your house, or looking to buy one? You may be understandably confused by how much a house costs. After all, the price varies widely from town to town. A single-bedroom flat in Dublin costs the same as four semi-d’s in Longford.

You may have a fair idea as to what a pair of trousers should cost, because you’ve been buying them all your life. But most people only ever buy one house, and have no concept of what’s reasonable or what’s over-priced, and that’s why we’ve compiled the following tips to help you along!

1) The ‘asking price’ is really the ‘starting price’.

Forget if the house of your dreams is on Daft for 300 grand, that’s just to bait the people who have managed to get mortgage approval for 300 grand. By the time the estate agent has bumped it up a few times (to accommodate some mysterious, never-named applicant who offered 305, then 310, and so on), you’re looking at more like 325 grand or so. So when house-shopping, the house that is actually in your budget is the one that’s advertised at a much lower price. Unless you’re buying it from an estate agent who remembers and regrets what happened the last time house prices were artificially inflated, LOL.

2) Take a look at your neighbours

Wondering why a house in Area A is so much cheaper than a house in Area B? It could have something to do with the rest of the neighbourhood. Is there any social or affordable housing in the vicinity? That kinda thing will drag the value of property waaaay down, which is why developers aren’t keen on S & A housing schemes. Still, fuck the developers, if the government wants to build some houses for the less fortunate in society, they’d do it, right? It’s not like they owe anything to some of the richest property moguls in the country, do they? Either way, if you really want to buy a house in this area, you’re in luck. If you want to sell a house in this area – tough shit. Those pesky previously-homeless people have just cost you twenty grand! Be sure to focus all your anger towards them, and not towards anyone higher up the ladder.

3) Is there planning permission for anything in the vicinity

If you’re getting a house at a bargain, it could be related to something that is about to be built nearby, that the seller is aware of but you may not be. Sure, you can save 30 grand on a house, but don’t be surprised if all of a sudden there’s construction work for an incinerator or an electricity substation right beside you. Things like that are considered by some people to be “damaging to health” so if you get “landed” with a house in the area, you may have to “sell it at a loss” unless you want to “continue living in the area” even if it means you might “get cancer”.

4) Is the house haunted

Blood trickling down the walls? Upside-down crucifixes everywhere? Demon child visible on ceiling? Might be an indicator why this 4-bedroom is going for 40% lower than the house next door.