Average College Thesis Just 2,000 Words Of Bullshit Shy Of Word Count


THE Nation’s thesis students are currently on average just 2,000 words of bullshit shy of their word count total, despite some key deadlines having already passed.

It is believed many final year students have been carefully researching their chosen topics, but are dangerously low on the number of filler words and phrases full of bullshit which are required to pad out their lengthy tomes.

“I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve written ‘it is my contention’ and I’m still a good 3,000 words off my target,” explained UCD student Aaron Higgins, whose thesis entitled ‘The Longer The Title The Smarter I’m Probably Going To Appear, Well Fingers Crossed’ is severely lacking in the bullshit department.

“Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t make any sense, but it needs more words so makes even less sense but hits that 14,000 mark. Do you any shite talk? Please, I’m desperate,” Higgins said as he clinged onto this reporter’s trousers as he fled the scene.

Even the most dedicated and focused of students are having a hard time increasing their bullshit and rambling word count.

“There’s only so many more times and ways I can describe Beyonce as fierce,” explained student Cara Flavin, whose thesis is entitled ‘Beyonce: A Fierce Study In Fierceness. Fierce’.