Top 5 Celebrity Deaths


WHILE, obviously this will inevitably become a controversial list as when people think of celebrity deaths, they immediately think about their own favourite, treasured memory of a celebrity passing forgetting that it really is a subjective thing.

You can’t please all of the people all of the time, but we feel the below list of dead celebrities certainly did achieve that when they passed on, providing the public with all they treasure and love about famous people dying:

5) Michael Jackson
Technically, this isn’t strictly a celebrity death as Jackson merely returned to his home planet of Fangoolo in the Nebulon Galaxy, but still it had everything. International shock, an incredible amount of press intrusion that redefined what is was to be a reprehensible member of the press and of course the ascension skyward to an alien craft which played the music of its native homeland, Dirty Diana.

Jackson is gone but his exit stage left is certainly not forgotten, we would take issue with anyone who omitted his final act from their Top 5 Celebrity Deaths list.

4) Jesus Christ
This had everything that makes a celebrity death truly memorably. Huge crowds, a live execution, he was so good at dying he came back a few days later and basically did it again. The finest showmanship, and it’s worth mentioning people are still going on about it to this day – proof that the impact this celebrity death made is still felt today. He’ll be disappointed he didn’t make the top 3 but it’s a competitive field.

3) Steven Spielberg
The Hollywood directing great is sadly no longer with us, but he managed to leave behind an indelible mark on modern cinema with a string of entertaining movies. His true passion was the art form of film, and so his grisly end is certainly an ironic one as when filming his masterpiece Jaws, Spielberg sought to pose in the jaws of the mechanical shark used for all the scenes involving the movie’s villain.

However, after persuading a nearby crew member to take his camera and take a picture of Spielberg in the jaws of the animatronic shark head, the director failed to see that a real shark had come to the waters surface, nefariously posing as the fake shark.

Spielberg’s last words were ‘boy this sure does stink like a real shark’ before he was snapped in two by its gnashing teeth. A sad but awesome way to go.

2) Queen Elizabeth II
While it hasn’t actually happened yet, we’ve been reliably informed Britain and the rest of the world will absolutely lose their shit once it does happen. Way to make your mark Lizzy!

1) Elvis
But of course! Was it ever in doubt? The singular singing sensation that was Elvis lived his life on his own terms, and sadly passed away of a heart attack, shocking the world to its very core. Core experts maintain that the Earth’s core hasn’t been the same since.

While legend has it Elvis died on the toilet, that is only somewhat true as eye witnesses to the event say Elvis was worried about how his death would be reported. Conscious of the fact he wanted to go out in a blaze of glory in order to permanently cement in place in history forever Elvis, while mid-heart attack on the toilet, he ordered 1kg of cocaine, several machine guns and countless prostitutes.

He then spent his dying breaths, doing lines of cocaine while firing machine guns into the ceiling and engaging in sex with some lovely ladies… all while on the toilet. What a man.