Runaway English Paddy’s Day Float Crashes Into GPO


A MAJOR incident is unfolding at the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Dublin city centre, WWN has learned.

Gardaí, the Army and the Fire Brigade are all on the scene outside the GPO, in large numbers after what eye-witnesses described as a ‘pro-English’ float careened into the GPO causing significant damage.

“We’re kicking ourselves now, because we had a feeling it was up to no good, it was a very Protestant looking float upon reflection,” confirmed Garda Ciaran Connolly, head of the Gardaí’s anti-disruptive floats unit.

Footage obtained by WWN seems to show a number of men dressed as the Queen jumping off a float as they changed its course toward the GPO, and shortly after its impact it exploded, spraying large quantities of blue, white and red paint onto the facade of the building.

“What we didn’t realise at the time was there were people on the inside eating crumpets and sticking on Sky News, while making incredibly weak tea, it was a wall-to-wall English-outbreak. A cruel senseless attack,” confirmed Garda Connolly, shortly before issuing his resignation.

Gardaí acted quickly by emptying the contents of a nearby Carroll’s giftshop into the GPO, cancelling out any of the previous Englishness which was visited upon the inside of the building.

While no group has officially taken credit for the disruption, there was a note left on the scene which proclaimed ‘between this and all that 1916 stuff, it’s getting a bit much, isn’t it?’