Post Paddy’s Day Clean Up To Cost €14.5 Billion


THE total cost of the post-Paddy’s Day clean up has already reached €14.5 billion, the highest on record in the post-boom years, WWN can reveal.

As the public begins collecting their relatives and friends from busy city streets in which they drunkenly fall asleep on last night, local authorities are counting the cost of yet another large scale piss up.

The Dublin Wheelbarrow Scheme, similar to the Dublin Bike Scheme, allows people free rental of wheelbarrows in order to transport their friends and family home in, and is believed to cost the taxpayer several million euros.

“We’ve had the usual emergency spend on replacement livers, we have to dip into the black market for those on Paddy’s Day, and then kill you with the price markup, they really do,” explained the resident surgeon at St. Vincent’s Hospital, Gregory Shanley.

Special pumps are hard at work on the country’s waterways, clearing out the excess vomit, which has found its way into the system, although it is believed this year’s volume was no greater than previous years.

A lot of post-Paddy’s Day clean up funds will have to be diverted to hospitals to treat several hundred men and women for exhaustion.

“Many people spend the day picking fights,and it really takes it out of them, God love him, but they’re absolutely pooped by the time the day is done,” explained Dr. Adbul Abdhi, as he treated patients at Beaumont Hospital.