Taoiseach Declares National Day Of Mourning Following McGregor Defeat


 THE Taoiseach has declared a national day of mourning today following Conor McGregors defeat at UFC 196 in Las Vegas last night.

Mr. Kenny asked all businesses to observe the day, stating that an order will be signed this afternoon under the Working Time Act 1997 – creating an additional one-off public holiday to mark the mixed martial artists’ loss and contribution to Irish sports.

The Taoiseach and the Tánaiste offered their sympathies to the featherweight champion, and his team, after being submitted in the second round of the UFC bout with Nate Diaz.

“That weight jump got him in the end, he seemed sluggish.” Tánaiste Burton told WWN. “McGregor looked slow from the outset and his left hand didn’t even make Diaz flinch. Conor’s ground game was no match against the Americans brazilian Jiu Jitsu training. I think Diaz’ high pain threshold is also balanced out by his low IQ and inability to feel or think anything.”

Taoiseach Enda Kenny added that the Irish tri-colour will be flown at half mast for the remainder of the week, and emergency counselling portacabins will be erected around the country to help fans deal with the emotional upheaval from the loss.

“I suppose we have the Euro’s coming up, and the rugby,” pointed out one devastated Irish fan this morning, before singing olé, olé, olé, olé and then breaking down in tears.