Newgrange Broken

DOZENS of revellers attending the annual Winter Solstice at Newgrange in County Meath this morning have reported that the prehistoric monument seems to be broken, and doesn’t work at all.

Speaking at the mound, historian Dermot Phelan said he believes the 5,000-year-old passage tomb may have been damaged in the recent storms or something.

“The wind must have shifted it,” Phelan stated, who was hoping to see the rising sun’s light flood the inner chamber this morning.”Some load of bollox; I spent three hours driving up from Kerry with the young fella to show him some magic history.

“We were like a bunch of dopes waiting there with our camera’s,” he added. “I’ll be sending a strongly worded email about this to the tourist board.”

Originally built by extraterrestrials in 3,000BC to mess with people’s heads, Newgrange was purposely aligned with the rising sun on the 21st of December each year, annually attracting curious visitors.

“They keep coming, but nine times out of ten Newgrange disappoints,” said local resident Ger Tiernan. “I usually go down to watch their stupid faces when they realise they’ve wasted their time. They’d have a better chance spotting a Leprechaun.”

The committee currently in charge of the up-keep of the monument apologise for today’s no show, stating they will look into claims that Newgrange has actually been broken for quite some time.