Blatter And Platini Seeking Positions In The Irish Farmers Association

OUTGOING FIFA president Sepp Blatter and UEFA president Michel Platini have submitted CV’s to the Irish Farmers Association, after being banned from engaging in football based activity for 8 years.

The bans have been imposed by FIFA’s ethics court, who determined that Platini received a “disloyal payment” of £1.3m in 2011, which was then signed off on by Blatter.

Both men were also handed hefty fines by judge Hans-Joachim Eckert, who remained “unconvinced” by the pair’s defence that everything was “above board”.

At a loose end for nearly the next decade, Blatter (79) and Platini (60), have applied for jobs in the IFA, with most commentators believing that they are aiming for the roles of IFA president and IFA secretary, vacated respectively by Eddie Downey and Pat Smith in recent weeks.

Both Downey and Smith stepped down following revelations of enormous wage packets and “golden handshakes”, which both Mr. Blatter and Mr. Platini feel is right up their alley.

“Mr. Blatter marked ‘walks in the park’ and ‘watching a good movie’ down under interests on his CV” said a source in the HR department of the IFA.

“While Mr. Platini cites ‘punctuality’, and a ‘good manner when dealing with the public’, as reasons why he should be considered for the post.

“Both men wrote in their cover letters that although they held high-ranking posts in the world of football, they would be eager to avail of the wage hikes they would get if they got involved in Irish farming”.

It is unsure as to whether or not the ban handed down by FIFA will stop Blatter and Platini from partaking in the weekly IFA kick-around at the local rec centre.