On the evening of 13 November 2015, a series of coordinated terrorist attacks occurred in Paris, the capital of France, and its northern suburb, Saint-Denis, forcing billions of social media users worldwide into a ‘what can we do to show support’ frenzy.
Unlike previous attacks on lesser known parts of the world, Facebook immediately responded to the online cry for solidarity by implementing an app which allowed users to cover their profile picture with a transparent French flag.
Alas, that was three whole weeks ago now and the world has moved on to more important things, like Christmas. So, we here at WWN have put together this handy guide to discreetly deleting your dated picture with something more fitting, like a picture of that glass of wine in front of a fire you took drunk one night, or whatever else that matters right now:
Timing is everything here, so better get this right. We suggest taking down your Paris tribute pic between the hours of 1am and 5am to avoid the majority of your friends finding out. Facebook’s peak times are between 12pm and 10pm, so avoid this period at all costs. Nothing is more humiliating than someone pointing out your obvious lack of fucks given for Paris at a peak time.
Do not change the picture by uploading a new one. This act will immediately cause unwanted attention, as Facebook’s algorithm puts profile picture changes at the top of your friend’s Facebook feed. So what do you do? Simple. Click on the profile picture and just hit delete, nothing else. This will leave you with no picture at all, but will go unnoticed on news feeds.
Upload another slightly less dramatic picture of a cause. We would suggest something to do with Irish Water or your tiring support of the Palestinian state. The idea here is to wean off the original cause, to a cause people are actually less likely to care about (if that’s possible these days). Once done, immediately press ‘hide from timeline’ on the profile picture post itself on your facebook page. Don’t worry, this new pic will be temporary, so don’t think too hard about it. The aim here is to go unnoticed.
Give it a day or two with the new picture and voilà, change to whatever you like.
What if someone spots your cunning plan? Well, just respond with something like ‘it’s time to move on and not let the terrorists win by dwelling on the past’, or simply, you can just unfriend said person. Besides, what prick would challenge you on something like that anyway, you’ve done your duty for Paris as a social media user, who are they to judge, right?