Splinter Farmer Group Declares Itself The “Real IFA”

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A GROUP of dissident farmers calling itself the Real IFA has issued a statement in which it claims it will bring “order and stability to Irish farming”, by any means necessary.

It is believed the group broke away from the Irish Farmers’ Association following controversy about the resignation of General Secretary Pat Smith, after revelations that his annual salary was in excess of €400,000 per annum.

Disgusted at being part of an organisation in which grassroot members earn less that one-fifteenth of that figure, several hundred rogue farmers created the “Real IFA”, which they claim will act in the best interests of Irish farmers and continue the campaign against “any aul nonsense”.

Speaking from an undisclosed location, a spokesperson for the agricultural group made stark warnings about upcoming disruptions and events that the new splinter group would be involved in.

“Villages, towns, cities… Nowhere is safe from our tractors,” said the Real IFA spokesman, his face disguised by a smearing of what may or may not have been Nutella.

“For too long, the people of Ireland have had to deal with the IFA, who have grown soft and weak as the years have gone by. The Real IFA will strike fear into the hearts of governments and commuters, as we bring protests to this land the likes of which have never been seen before”.

Government analysts have declared that while the motives of the Real IFA appear to be acting in the interests of the people, the operation may just be a front for illegal activity such as milk laundering and black market Ivomec dealing.

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