Weird Auntie Eileen To Stay The Weekend


A WATERFORD family has been placed in a state of panic after their auntie Eileen confirmed she would be down on Friday evening with the intention of staying the entire weekend.

The Finley family, with an address in the Blenheim Heights area of Waterford, had feared auntie Eileen, 54, would invite herself for the full duration of the upcoming weekend, but never vocalised the thought aloud out of a fear it would jinx the family entirely.

Auntie Eileen, or ‘weird auntie Eileen’ to her nieces and nephew, is expected to arrive sometime Friday evening with her collection of Princess Diana porcelain dolls, which she can never leave unattended at home in Dublin, as the neighbours have had their eyes on it for years.

Finley children, Jack (12), Hannah (14) and Sophie (17) had desperately tried to make plans which would mean they would spend the majority of the weekend out and about with friends, avoiding a woman whose hair has remained tied up in a bun since 1994.

However, they cannot escape the fact they will be stuck talking to their aunt, who believes the wearing of novelty socks says a lot of how far people will go in life, at some point unless they climb the drain to their rooms on the second floor, avoiding Eileen on the pull out bed in the sitting room.

“Can’t we just switch all the lights off and pretend we’re not in,” Jack asked his father John, “or maybe we can all lie on the floor with fake blood and pretend we’re dead – she’s so weird, she probably wouldn’t ring the cops,” Jack added while recalling how his aunt never eats jelly as she doesn’t trust the way it moves on the plate.

“She’s your sister, not mine, why do I have to hang out with her?” Sohpie pleaded passionately with her mother Susan. “Why has no one ever told her she smells like wet cardboard either? The house will stink of it,” Sophie added.

Auntie Eileen is expected in the next 10 minutes, several hours ahead of her scheduled arrival, citing the fact she “hasn’t checked her watch in weeks” as the reason she arrived when she did.