Lovin’ Waterford: Our Piss-Easy Recipe For Motherfucking Bread
DIA duit, bitches! Here at Lovin’ Waterford we love bread; but not that shit that you poor fucks buy in a shop; we wouldn’t feed that to our dogs. We prefer to make our own, and if you follow these shit-handy steps, you can make tasty delicious bread at home without ever having to go into the kind of shop that unemployed people buy stuff from.
Here’s what you’ll need!
2 cups very warm water (preferably Bally-G, but tap will do if you’re a pauper)
4 teaspoons instant yeast (secreted out of your ma LOLZ)
1 tablespoon sugar (for sweetness duh ;-D )
1/4 cup vegetable oil (check our archives for a fucking easy way to make this yourself)
5 cups flour (ground using your own working windmill)
1 1/2 teaspoons salt (TASTY!)
1) Mix the water, yeast and sugar
Even a retarded northsider could do this! Lash the warm water into a big fucking bowl, then lash in the milk before lashing in the sugar. Lash it all in like you’d lash some young one out of it in the handicapped toilets of Diceys.
2) Pour that liquid bitch into the flour
BANG! Fuck all that wet shit into your flour. Look at it all there, mixing together. It fucking loves it, the dirty bitch. This is so easy!
3) Stir the fuck out of it
Ram your hard wooden spoon into the dough mixture’s mouth and throat-fuck the shit out of it.
4) Let that shit rise
Put that shit in an oiled bowl and LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE. It needs to rise for 25 mins, so go update your blog or whatevs. SO EASY.
5) Knead it reaaaaal goooooood
Get in there and knead that doughy bitch! Punch and thump the crap out of it. It may help to pretend that the dough is a scobie knacker kid, who deserves a beating because he’s several social classes underneath you! Kill that scobie bread! EAASSYYY!!!
6) DING DONG!!! Tin time!
Oh yeah, tin time! Get that fucking dough into a fucking tin and fuck it into the oven for thirty fucking minutes. So fuckin easy!
7) EAT THAT SHIT YOU FUCKING HUNGRY HOBBIT
BOOM. didn’t we say it was easy? Bread, bitches, and YOU MADE IT. But before you eat it, make sure to Instagram the fuck out of it, so that everyone knows you made it yourself. Be sure to stress how fucking easy it was to make, and how anyone who doesn’t follow your recipe must be either a lazy cunt or a Northsider who couldn’t find anywhere to steal the ingredients. HASHTAG SO EASY