Unfunny & Joyless Overweight Man Struggling With Society’s ‘Jolly’ Expectations


OVERWEIGHT Galway native Martin Ferris is said to be struggling with society’s expectation of him due to his portly exterior, WWN can reveal.

Society had for many years presumed Ferris to be a very jolly and amusing man who was always up for a laugh, but Ferris admitted today that he simply cannot live up to these unrealistic expectations.

“I’ll be honest, I’m actually not remotely jolly, I’ve often zero craic. I’m not big on amusing other people just because I’m fat,” explained Ferris.

“I’m aware of the expectations on me and when I was younger, I tried to play up to it. I noticed how well videos of fat people falling over were doing on YouTube, but I was never able to do it quite right, I actually just ended up with some bruises,” Ferris explained.

Additionally Ferris was at pains to stress he was not the type of individual who was only too happy to be ‘bessie mates’ with very attractive women who sought him out due to his inoffensive status as a ‘token chubby male friend’.

“Aw Marty? Yeah, I love him to bits, he’s always cracking jokes. He’s a gas ticket really, I just wish he could find someone special, ya know?” Danielle Prendeville, close attractive friend of Ferris’s revealed to WWN.

“I’m almost 100% sure I’ve never made Daniel laugh,” Ferris told WWN, seemingly denying earlier claims made by his friend, “we’re not friends actually. I’ve just asked her out a bunch of times and she just keeps saying ‘you’re a gas ticket’. Does my head in if I’m honest,” Ferris added.

A recent study indicated 80% of rotund members of Irish society are believed to possess next to no characteristics foisted upon them by the rest of society.