Culchies Warned Against Trying To Understand Solar Eclipse


ASTRONOMY Ireland has warned members of the rural community today not to even try and understand tomorrow’s solar eclipse, for fear it may be ‘too much for them’.

Culchies are being urged to just ignore the spectacle and just treat it like any other dull Winter morning.

The warning comes after the last solar eclipse, which caused mass hysteria across the country in 1999, left over 15,000 people dead, most of whom were sacrificed by fellow culchies who believed they were appeasing an angry ‘Sun God’ at the time.

“Yeah, such a shame that we didn’t predict that last time,” said astronomer David Byrne. “However, for this eclipse we have distributed over a million fliers across the island. Basically, it just tells them that the sun is ‘resetting itself’ and to keep calm and carry on like nothing is happening.”

“Hopefully they don’t start killing each other again”.

Tomorrow morning between 8.30am and 10.30am, Ireland will have a perfect view of the celestial event. The peak will happen around 9.30am, when more than 90% of the Sun’s surface will be blocked out by the moon.

Friends of culchies are advised not to disclose this information as it may cause brain haemorrhaging and further chaos as seen 16 years ago.