Couple Ecstatic Following Birth Of Perfect Excuse For Declining Invites To Just About Everything


A DUBLIN couple were this morning expressing their joy at becoming parents to a wonderful excuse to get out of just about every social occasion or obligation for the rest of their lives.

Weighing a healthy 7lb10oz, baby girl Shauna Nolan immediately touched the hearts of her parent Mick and Elaine, as they looked into their daughters eyes and realised that they can now, totally not bother going to Mick’s cousin’s wedding without having to make up some sort of bullshit reason.

Mick, a 38-year-old carpenter, was overcome when he looked into the eyes of the first valid reason he’s ever had as to why he can’t go round to his friend’s house and do nixers for them that he’ll never get paid for, while Elaine gently wept as she realised that her life was about to change forever, now that she had an excuse to not go clothes shopping with her dose of a sister every God damn Saturday.

“We’re both pretty over-whelmed” said Mick, brushing tears of joy from his face.

“We can finally settle down, and perhaps never leave the fucking house ever again. No more getting dragged out for drinks with people from work that I hate, no more going round to see anyone’s new house, no more going to a nephew’s 21st and being down 50 euro before you walk through the fucking door… not now we’ve got our beautiful little alibi. We really couldn’t be happier”.

The Nolan’s are expected to get straight to work as soon as they bring Shauna home, with Elaine already sending out texts that the pair would not be able to attend her niece’s First Communion next month because it’s “not easy now we have the baby”.