Orange Bono Alert In Place For Grafton Street


CONSUMERS in Dublin city centre have been warned to watch out for high levels of smugness as the Grafton Street area has been put on an Orange Alert signalling an impending appearance by Bono.

The U2 frontman has been known to gather friends from the Irish music community to busk on the busy street every Christmas, to raise awareness of how great Bono is despite the fact that he dodges his taxes for the rest of the year.

The busking sessions, which draw large crowds of people who hate Bono, but cannot pass a free concert, usually take place on Christmas Eve, although there have been rumours that the pint-sized singer may emerge a day early this year, prompting the Bono Alert Society to upgrade the Bono Warning Level from yellow to orange.

“People are advised to not go near Grafton Street unless absolutely necessary, ” said Ian Brennan, chief Bonologist at the Bono Alert Society.

“If you must go to Grafton Street, we advise going early as Bono is known to emerge later in the day, when the crowds are heaviest and he can soak up as much attention as possible. Of course, if he does not appear on Grafton Street today, we will be raising the threat level to red tomorrow, signalling that an appearance by Bono is unavoidable”.

As shoppers hurry to clear the Grafton Street area ahead of the busking session, a spokesperson for The Artist Formerly Known As Paul Hewson has reminded that public that the yearly Yuletide appearance of the singer raises much-needed money for several needy charities, although the Bono Alert Society was quick to counter that people can donate to those same charities at any time of the year without further fulling Bono’s ego.