Drug Mule Welcomes Ryanair’s ‘Business Class’
PROFESSIONAL drugs mule Derek Palmer congratulated his airline of choice today for finally caving in and allocating a class for its business customers.
Speaking on a 17:30 Ryanair flight from Eindhoven this evening, Mr. Palmer said the move was “too long in the waiting”, stating he now feels a little bit more comfortable in the knowledge that’s he’s now classed as a business customer.
“I think people treat you with a lot more respect when you travel business,” explained the 34-year-old Coolock man. “You don’t get asked as many questions. You get a bigger luggage allowance and a fast track straight through airport security. How could ya go wrong, eh?”
Palmer, who first became a drug mule in 2008 after getting into debt with a major drug trafficker, said he was looking forward to the new business class layout which will see reclining seats and even curtains installed in participating aircraft.
“There is nothing worse than trying to push a pellet of coke back up your hole when sitting on those tiny economy seats. Little fucker be like a turtle head poking out mid-flight.” he added. “Curtains then to clean your hands! Where would you get it, wha’?”
Ryanair estimates that nearly 25% of passengers use their service for “business” reasons, forcing them to offer flexible ticketing, unlimited flight changes and the option to change flights on the day of travel at no cost.
“So many times I’ve had to change flights because a business contact got suspected by customs.” said Palmer. “Ryanair all the way, baby!”