One Direction Concerts Cancelled Amid Shit Music Fears
MCD, together with their concert partner, Croke Park, have taken the regrettable decision to cancel the upcoming and highly anticipated One Direction concerts that were scheduled to take place in Dublin.
“We had not envisaged taking such drastic action,” read a statement from promoter MCD, “but it has been brought to our attention again and again that the dangerous levels of shit music emitted by One Direction could distabilise the foundations of the stadium and induce vomiting in all right-minded individuals.”
The news is set to come as a great disappointment to the thousands of teenage ‘directioners’ who had hoped to descend on the capital this weekend to enjoy the music of the bafflingly popular band.
Similarly, adult women, were also hoping to scream and fawn in the direction of the band, safe in the knowledge that its members are acceptably over the age of legal consent.
Experts have claimed that the genre known as ‘shit music’ has caused countless people to waste time and money on bands such as One Direction.
“There was a real fear that unacceptable levels of shit music would be reached and that could cause untold damage to the minds’ of those attending while simultaneously causing the Nation to lose all hope for the future,” shared music critic Simon D. Simone.
Tragically, some overenthusiastic One Direction fans have already murdered as many as 300 MCD employees in retaliation to the unfortunate cancellation.
MCD and Croke Park owners the GAA have admitted they are no longer accepting shit music at the venue as it is believed to be the main cause of NAMA taking control of Crosbie Holdings O2 arena and its surrounding properties.
“They’re quite strict about the no shit music policy, so we must be cautious going forward,” a GAA spokesman is quoted as saying.
Ticketmaster have said they will refund all purchases upon individuals being able to produce evidence of a good taste in music.