‘No Need To Take Your Top Off’ Nation’s Men Told Ahead Of Heatwave

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Met Eireann gleefully announced this week that Ireland is to expect significant sunshine and increased temperatures in the coming days turning the country in the Caribbean.

While the majority of the Nation has welcomed news of the good weather it is not without some reservations. Chief among those reservations is the thought of the male half of the population disrobing at even the slightest glimmer of the Sun.

“No, honestly, it’s fine, just leave the jumper on,” a collective statement from the woman of Ireland read. Though the stern tone of the statement ruled out the possibility of accepting Irish men’s shirtophobia some exceptions were made.

“If you are Michael Fassbender the reverse is true, it would be unacceptable for you to wear a top,” the statement concluded.

A spokesperson for Met Eireann echoed the women of Ireland’s statement with his own advice. “While of course the main reason for urging the men to keep their tops on is because they are an unsightly collection of fat deposits, the more important reason is of course to prevent sunburn,” Eamon Rogers explained.

“The white, almost translucent skin of the Irish male reflects the sun back at unsuspecting women causing them untold skin damage. It’s a little known but incredibly important fact, now children should be fine as they will likely be wearing factor 104” he added.

With the good weather set to return to Ireland many are expected to flock to the beach, but the Gardaí have warned the public to be aware of increased traffic close to the Nation’s beaches.

“We’ve had early reports that over 17,567 Ice-cream vans have already descended on the beaches so it’ll be tough to actually gain access,” explained Garda Ray Thornley, “There’s even lad who just dragged his freezer to the beach, no car like just a freezer full of choc ices.”

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