Irish Water ‘Delighted’ With Bumper Harvest So Far This Year


AFTER days of torrential rain and stories of widespread damage costing local communities millions of euros, one Irish company has come out trumps thanks to the recent spell of bad weather.

Irish Water announced today it was ‘delighted’ with this year’s bumper harvest so far, and urged Irish people not to be so negative when it came to the vast amounts of flooding.

“Rain water is where most of your drinking water comes from, so be happy there is now an abundance of it for us to sell you,” explained  Irish Water CEO John Tierney. “Everyone should look at the raindrops as if they were euro coins splashing down on our beautiful country.”

However, not everyone agreed with Mr. Tierney’s analogy.

“I get the whole part where the rain is money alright.” said Cork city shop owner Gerard Murphy, who recently lost 55 thousand euros worth of stock in the floods. “Money that trickles through your fingers and runs off to a large bank of reservoirs where it is sold  off again for a tidy profit by a bunch of highly paid fucktards in suits.”

So far an estimated 5 million metric tonnes of water have fallen on the country since this day last week, with another 10 million more to come over the coming fortnight.