4,570,618 People Queue Up For Jury Duty At Sean Fitzpatrick/Anglo Trial


The selection of the jury for the trial of 3 former Anglo Irish Bank employees is set to get underway today in Dublin.

WWN can report that close to 100% of the Nation’s population has queued up for jury selection for the trial of Sean Fitzpatrick and 2 other men who stand accused of unlawfully giving financial assistance to 16 members of the public.

Some 4,570,618 people dispensed with the usual protocol used for selecting juries instead preferring to make themselves available at the four courts, insisting they be given the chance to give the 3 men an unfair trial.

“I watched a few Law and Orders on TV, I know the gist of it,” shared one member of the crowd, Anthony Kelly, “I’ll find them guilty, no bother. If that’s what they are looking for.”

While the accused have pleaded ‘not guilty’ to all charges, the 4 million plus crowd wishing to partake in the case have assured them otherwise.

“I’d be fairly certain no matter what evidence is presented, I’ll vote for the death penalty,” opined Margaret Heffernan, clearly unaware of the basics of Irish law. “A good old fashioned hanging be too good for them,” she concluded.

“I was told we could bring knives,” said a masked man as he weaved through the crowd.

WWN understands the trial will get underway next week, although it not yet clear if the entire nation will be allowed to sit on the jury.

More to follow as we get it…