Blow To Chewing Gum Manufacturer Following Fergie Exit

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CHEWING GUM manufacturer Wrigley’s announced today it will be scaling down production following news of Alex Ferguson’s retirement yesterday afternoon.

The 122-year-old company will start laying off an estimated 90% of its world-wide workforce from June, which will see 3,078 full-time workers made redundant.

Future lay-offs will coincide with the end of the 2012/13 premier football season, and the end of sir Alex’s career as manager of Manchester United football club.

The club cancelled its chewing gum order with Wrigley’s shortly after his shock announcement yesterday.

“Sir Alex would on average go through three tonnes of spearmint flavoured chewing gum in a month, depending on how stressful his season was.” confirmed a source at the club today. “Man United football club had a special ‘chewing gum’ budget put aside for him, which ran into the tens of millions over the years.”

Regarding his decision, Ferguson said: “I do feel sorry for all those people who will lose their jobs over me giving up the game, and chewing gum. But I felt it was the right time to quit as my jaws are fucking killing me.”

Meanwhile, it has been rumoured Kilkenny hurling manager Brian Cody may be tipped to fill the Scottish mans boots.

Sir Alex Ferguson will retire as Manchester United manager at the end of the season in the 27th year of a tenure that has made him the most successful in British football.

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