Martin McGuinness’ Shaking Hand Under Security Lockdown Ahead Of Queen Visit


THE shaking hand of  Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland, Martin McGuinness, was put under security lock down this morning ahead of the queens visit to Northern Ireland.

The Sin Féin politician was approached late last night by her majesties secret service and asked to accompany them to an undisclosed location in Belfast city.

A source claimed Mr. MGuinness’ left hand was then placed under quarantine as part of stringent security measures to safe-guard the queen.

The Queen arrived in Enniskillen earlier today. As well as celebrating her Diamond Jubilee, Lizzy’s visit will also be marked by a historic handshake with Mr. McGuinness.

An MI5 spokesman told WWN that once the deputies first ministers hand is ‘cleared for shaking’,  he will be transported under armed guard to Stormount, where he will meet the Queen.

When asked why there was so much emphasis placed on Mr. McGuinness’ left hand, he replied: “Due to previous relations between Sinn Fein and the monarchy, we wanted to make sure there was no lethal chemicals or devises hidden in the ministers hand.”

However, panic ensued between agents when one journalist suggested a last minute switch in hands by the ex-IRA leader.

An immediate quarantine of the right hand was called over the radio.

Hundreds of people who pay large amounts of money for the monarchy every year lined the streets of Enniskillen to greet the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh as they made their way to some prody cathedral in a really expensive chauffeur-driven car.

Pricks blowing trumpets for £300 a go marked their arrival to the church.

She then prayed, waved and made her way to some other crappy town in Northern Ireland to do more of the same.