Lad Taking Off From Toll Barrier Like Drag Racer

DESPITE no advertised racing event or any visible participants, BMW 3 series owner Martin Ferns watched on precariously as the toll’s red light turned to green before the chequered barrier raised in this his 8th imaginary drag race of the week. Skipping both second and fourth gears for maximum acceleration, Ferns scanned both left and right lanes… Read more »

Public Praise Speed At Which Stardust Case Handled

THE Irish Association Of Wronged People has publicly congratulated those affected by the Stardust disaster for successfully campaigning for a new inquest into the disaster, a mere four decades since that fateful night in 1981 and subsequent years of the State stonewalling their fight for justice. The IAWP, who handle cases ranging from Magdalene laundries… Read more »

Missing Man Last Seen Purchasing FIFA 20

A MISSING PERSON’S alert has been issued for a 28-year-old man last seen purchasing the latest edition of the highly addictive FIFA football game series release earlier this week. Donal Canlinn told friends and family he was heading to GameStop to buy FIFA 20 on Wednesday, but his worried loved ones have not seen of… Read more »

10-Year-Old Readies Himself For Second Recession Of Life

BATTLE-hardened economic survivor Dennis Feenan has advised the younger kids in school to ‘buckle up’ for financial insecurity following the news that Ireland may be headed into a Brexit-induced recession, but has added that this isn’t his first rodeo and he’ll ‘see them through’. Feenan, 10, has advised schoolmates in baby infants and high babies in all… Read more »