‘Thorn Of Tralee’ Competition To Showcase Ireland’s Biggest Bitches

OFFERING an alternative to the strong, intelligent, modern and all round amazing women of the Rose of Tralee, TV viewers will get to see and judge the best of the complete and utter bitches Ireland has to offer in the first annual ‘Thorn of Tralee’ competition.

Only the very best of thundering bitches have been selected by each county to compete in the two-day event which will be broadcast live across the globe and will see the women tested across a number of talents and criteria.

“Well it’s an automatic 10 points to bitches who haven’t called their granny in ages and actually hate the auld biddies,” confirmed one Thorn of Tralee organiser, Catherine Caldwell.

The most anticipated sections of the competitions is the hair pulling event but the most competitive event will be the ‘naggin downing’ which will see points awarded to the bitch who downs a naggin of vodka the quickest before then shouting racial slurs at a taxi driver.

The bookies’ favourite for the title is the Wicklow Thorn, Jessica Penston, whose pettiness, bitterness, ignorance and dislike of all people is believed to have already impressed the judges.

“Oh God, she doesn’t have a decent bone in her body, she’s truly an awful person. Throw in the fact that ‘Penston’ isn’t exactly a Catholic name and she’s got it all,” added Caldwell.

Not unlike the Rose of Tralee, Thorns will have to show off a party trick or talent and organisers have cryptically hinted that one Thorn will recite a poem while stealing someone’s identity online and emptying their banks accounts. Impressive.

The Thorn of Tralee will be broadcast on RTÉ 2 tonight and tomorrow and somehow Dáithí Ó Sé will also present as he hosts the Rose of Tralee over on RTÉ 1.