IN a last ditch attempt to keep his body at a safe and comfortable temperature this evening, local man Colm Woods has resorted to purchasing over 1,000 HB Calippo ice lollies from a local supermarket due to ongoing water restrictions put in place by local authorities.
Speaking from his frosty orange and strawberry flavoured bath, the son-of-two recalled the moment he took matters into his own hand, after unsuccessfully trying to cool down his apartment by opening both the fridge and freezer doors.
“It just didn’t work at all,” Woods explained, now suckling on a Calippo from his bath, while continuously mispronouncing it ‘Callipso’, “I had to do something before I melted in the bleedin’ heat, so I rented a refrigeration truck, headed to the shop and cleaned the place out of Callipsos – best decision I ever made”.
The Dublin man expects to remain in the Calippo bath for the foreseeable future, and has already ordered a fresh batch of orange flavoured ones for tomorrow.
“I’ve been told this weather is going to last the whole week, ” he added, “so I might try an Iceberger bath on Saturday; I hear the calcium in the milk is really good for the skin, sure Cleopatra swore by it!”
UPDATE: Mr. Woods has since been rushed to hospital with brain freeze.
Local Student Will Not Purchase Anything Without A Student Discount
Local Student Will Not Purchase Anything Without A Student DiscountPosted by Waterford Whispers News on Thursday, 14 February 2019