5 Best Nicknames For Non-Obese Kids

WITH huge numbers of Irish children now in danger of obesity, WWN takes a look at how playground insults may be about to do a full 180 degree turn, switching from skinny kids taking the piss of overweight children, to the big kids, now the majority government of the yard, taking the non-obese little ‘uns down a peg or two. Here’s five insult we heard being thrown around by the kids in our locality:

1) ‘Johnny No-Burgers’

The perfect nick-name for the kid whose parents don’t stick a Happy Meal in front of him every ten minutes.

2) ‘Walker’

Ba ha ha ha ha! Look at that non-obese kid over there, walking around. Ha ha! Sit down and play some video games you twat.

3) ‘Rich Da’

‘Nah na-na-nah-nah, you must have a rich da!’… or at least a parent who can afford to provide proper nutrition for you, rather than having to rely on cheap, mostly-unhealthy convenience food because their zero-hours contract is fucking them over and social services doesn’t want to know about it. No poverty trap for you, eh?

4) ‘Hospital dodger’

Hey, get a load of this non-obese kid over here. Ha, what a loser! He won’t be showing up on hospital waiting lists for the rest of his life, placing a huge amount of strain on an already creaking health service. ‘Hey kid, you think you’re special? Give me your fucking lunch! Wait, what is this, an apple? Get fucked’.

5) ‘Not-an-oversight’

You must think you’re great kid, over there with a BMI that’s appropriate for your age and height. The government sure as fuck aren’t overlooking you, are they? They’re not pretending you aren’t a problem, I’ll bet! You aren’t going to come back in 20 years and kick them in the arse, are you?