File On Secret RTÉ Producer ‘Accidentally’ Submitted To Tusla

CHILD and family agency Tusla have been told to have an incriminating file ‘on standby’ for whenever the identity of the RTÉ whistleblower known as the ‘Secret RTÉ Producer’ is revealed.

The unknown author of the insightful Twitter account, which appeared on the micro-blogging site recently, has infuriated RTÉ bosses with a stream of tweets, which have revealed a culture of money-wasting, nepotism and creative redundancy in the state broadcaster, all of which came as a complete shock to the average licence payer.

As the account continues to grow in readership and in boldness, plans are being made to accidentally copy and paste details of a serious assault onto a file created for the Secret RTÉ Producer, which will then be accidentally mailed to the Gardaí once the identity of the tweeter becomes known.

“There have been a number of serious allegations accidentally made against the Secret RTÉ Producer, by people who are very close to them,” said a source in Tusla, currently double-clicking on a file marked ‘the McCabe solution’.

“As a state-run agency, we take any aggression against another state-run agency very seriously, so whenever there’s an allegation against a whistleblower that may or may not have ever been made, we’re right there to make sure that it’s accidentally leaked to the media as soon as possible”.

Meanwhile, RTÉ staff members are fretting that the Secret Producer might reveal that some presenters frequently abuse narcotics, and that water is wet.