Smug Prick Bringing Camper Van To Electric Picnic

THE owner of a camper van heading to Electric Picnic is set to really rub it in the faces of his fellow festival-goers who have to make do with tents they bought in Aldi for 15 euro, WWN confirm.

With torrential rain expected for the three-day event, Westmeath native Sean Hanlon will enjoy the luxury of sleeping in his dry, warm vintage Volkswagen camper van while everyone in the campsite had to endure flooded tents, mud, and misery.

Hanlon, 48, has made it clear that he intends to spend his time at the festival cooking sausages on a little barbecue directly outside his van, just to make sure that everyone is as jealous as they can possibly be.

“I’m not even going to go to see any bands, to be honest,” said Hanlon, taking his camper van out of storage for the first time since last year’s EP.

“Nah, I only go to the festival so that I can park up beside where the tent people are huddling around each other all cold and wet, then I get out and lean against the van and make them all good and jealous. I’ll have a few beers out of the fridge on boards, barbecue some sossies, and then sleep on a nice soft mattress and be lovely and dry the next day. Enjoy your tent city, you proles!”

Hanlon went on to add that he had recently bought a canopy for the side of his van so that it looks even bigger, which should be enough to push people over the edge after two nights of sleeping in a mixture of rain and piss.