BREAKING: Local Mother Only Getting To Sit Down Now


DESPITE it being nearly time to go to bed, reports coming in from the Rotchford family have confirmed that mother and wife Maureen Rotchford is only getting to sit down now, after claiming to have spent the majority of the day on her feet.

Apparently exasperated from completing various chores that went relatively unnoticed by her husband and teenage kids, a source claimed the 43-year-old gasped loudly as she plopped herself down in her favourite chair before addressing the family.

“She said she was only fit for the bed,” a family source recalled, “and began making a panting noise like she had just ran a marathon or something, but she was just in the kitchen doing the dishes, so we’re not too sure why she was so out of breath all of a sudden”.

Without even being prompted, the granddaughter of four went on to list off all the things she had done today, making her family listen while managing to interrupt valuable TV time and the general peace and quiet of the Rotchford family sitting room.

“None of the family knows if she was looking for some sort of praise, or whether she was giving out about having to do all those things, or if indeed she was just reminding herself as some sort of brain memory exercise,” the source confirmed, who is definitely not her husband John in case anyone thought it was, “but her timing was right off and she should have at least waited until Eastenders was over to start blabbering”.

Shortly after her briefing, or whatever it was, Mrs. Rotchford retired to the bedroom to apparently “turn off”, which the family majority believes is a sort of sulk “that shouldn’t be pointed out, if you know what’s good for you”.