Fianna Fáil Confirms It Is Willing To Give Country Election It Doesn’t Want

FIANNA FÁIL, the country’s largest opposition party, has confirmed it is as committed as ever to dragging the Irish public to the polls against their will, WWN can reveal.

Having modified the ‘confidence and supply’ deal it enjoys with the government to become a more beneficial ‘confidence and sly’ model, Fianna Fáil has in recent weeks made continued attempts to appear exasperated and outraged at the behaviour of the government.

Taking issue with the appointment of Marie Whelan to the Court of Appeal as well as criticising how loudly members of Fine Gael chew their food in the Dáil canteen.

“What this country doesn’t need, going into the Brexit negotiations, is a general election, and by God, we’re determined to give the Irish public exactly what they don’t want,” confirmed a spokesperson for Fianna Fáil.

“We’re a bit like a dog chasing a car, we wouldn’t have the first clue what to do with it if we caught it, but that’s not going to stop us forcing an election. We want want our ministerial pensions, no matter the cost,” added the spokesperson.

The spokesperson went on to reassure any members of the public who were worried that an election right now would just result in a similarly useless minority government that can’t get anything done.

“Exactly, that’s exactly what will happen. We can’t wait to be the ones in charge, in the driver’s seat of a car sitting on cinder blocks,” concluded the spokesman.

While much of the electorate would like a different government in place, they are very aware that they don’t want that government to involve Fianna Fáil.

Fianna Fáil confirmed they will spend much of the next week staring at opinion polls, hoping they can nudge above the magic ‘not even close to having enough support to form a minority government’ number.