21 March – 20 April
You buy yourself one of those little tartan wheelie carts that old women have, and it revolutionises how you get cans to a party.
21 April – 21 May
You enter an online conversation and wow everyone by just being a ‘take-no-shit’ badass.
May 21 – June 20
You make up a story about how you went on the lash for Paddy’s Day, when you really went to see Beauty and the Beast, twice.
June 21 – July 22
Leather bracelets, eh? That’s cool.
July 23 – August 22
Sometimes you wish you’d just kept failing your Leaving cert, repeating it over and over again.
August 23 – September 22
You go to Starbucks and blow the rent on a cup of coffee.
September 23 – October 22
People really give you a lot more room to walk now that you’ve started carrying around a huge broadsword with you.
October 23 – November 21
You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Try not to embarrass yourself.
November 22 – December 21
The cops storm your house and force you to shut down your shit YouTube channel.
December 22 – January 19
January 20 – February 18
Someday you’ll sort your life out. Today is not that day.
February 19 – March 20
‘Tasty’ is your new thing. you start describing everything as ‘tasty’. It lasts a day before your friends tell you to knock it off.