“I Don’t Give A Shit About Your Plans For The Weekend” – Weather

THE WEATHER has issued a stark statement this morning, dispelling any notion that it cares about your plans for the weekend, while also outlining its contempt for any of the hopes and dreams you may have, WWN can confirm.

Speaking through the medium of torrential rain, freezing temperatures and sudden gusts of wind, the weather informed the Irish public that while it was aware many of them were planning things that involved the outdoors, the weather “simply doesn’t give a shit about your worthless plans”.

The weather then went on to snow for several seconds before getting back to battering buildings, cars and humans with wind and rain. Famed for its temperamental and unpredictable nature, the weather refused to listen to any pleas made by the public, pleading for even an hour’s break from unrelenting grey skies.

“A picnic was it? Haha, you were probably going to make sandwiches and bring a flask of tea too weren’t you, you loser. Sorry, but if you do go out I’m half thinking of drowning you in rain pal,” the weather added.

“Oh the kids will be driving you mad if they can’t go out this weekend? Like I give a shit. Plans? You’re not the only one, I want some bins to knock over, you self-centred bollocks,” the weather concluded, after explaining the public could forward all letters of complaint written in blood to Met Éireann.