‘You’re Fucking Welcome’, Europe Tells Ireland After €13bn Apple Tax Ruling

EUROPEAN Commissioner for Competition, Margrethe Vestager, who investigated Apple’s European tax affairs has insisted that the vast majority of the company’s €13bn in unpaid tax is due to Ireland, telling the Oireachtas Finance Committee ‘you’re fucking welcome’.

Ms Vestager told the hearing it would be up to Ireland as a member state to “stop dragging its heels and to grow a pair of fucking balls” when dealing with multinationals.

She said “you mad cunts were broke nine years ago, begging for money, and now you’re turning your nose up at 13 billion?”

Met with silence and several shrugs from the Oireachtas Finance Committee, Vestager proceeded to write out the amount on a piece of paper, before aggressively holding it up, now shouting: “See all those zeros? It’s enough to get every citizen in this country pissed for three days”.

Finally getting a reaction, one committee member asked exactly how many pints per citizen would the taxback amount to, and if she could also calculate “fags” and “rollie tobacco” into the equation.

“Seriously, what in the actual fuck is wrong with you?” she replied, now gathering her things in disgust, before concluding, “You people need to get your priorities straight; it’s like you don’t want the money or something. Just take it and don’t spend it on silly things”.

The EU Commission originally decided to investigate after Apple told the US Senate it had a “Paddy tax arrangement” with Ireland, with an inquiry later finding that Apple paid just €50 tax on every €1m of profit accrued.