Denis O’Brien Announces Bid For Irish Presidency

MEDIA mogul and multi-billionaire Denis O’Brien has today announced his bid for the Irish presidency.

Following in the footsteps of American businessman and peer, Donald Trump, Mr. O’Brien stated he will begin campaigning early next year in what is expected to be the hottest Irish presidential election since the foundation of the State.

“I’m really looking forward to making Ireland okay again,” he said, wearing a baseball hat with the same phrasing, “I’m going to build a wall around my financial affairs – made from solicitors. Believe me, this wall will be impervious to public scrutiny. It will be great. Okay?”

Taoiseach Enda Kenny was the first to offer his support to the Cork man, who currently resides in Malta because it’s nice and warm and no other reason, stating O’Brien will be a perfect contender to represent Ireland’s current climate.

“He’s a lovely man, Denis, and he will make a great president if elected,” Mr. Kenny said with his mouth, “Sure, he’s basically representing the country already with his large stake in the Irish media. It would only make sense that such an influence would put themselves forward for such a position”.

Mr. O’Brien then added that first things he will do in office is to abolish the current government, and centralise power to the office of the President.

While there was no confirmation on other measures, it is believed he would also cancel bank holiday weekends.