Just Get A Fucking Clubcard, Says Checkout Attendant

BREAKING down from months of exasperation, one checkout attendant in Dunnes has dragged a customer across the counter and demanded that he get a Clubcard and fucking keep it with him.

“You come here every single day”, Bernadine Traynor was heard screaming at Dunnes regular Eamon Hennessey, during his fifth visit to the stores this week.

“What is so difficult about getting a Clubcard? It’s for your own fucking good!”.

Like the majority of consumers, Hennessey is hugely suspicious of any form of loyalty card, and works under the belief that they’re “out to get him”, somehow.

Although the 35-year old has been offered a Clubcard on every single visit to Dunnes, he has never taken the four seconds it would take to fill out a form and get one, which would free him from ever having to shrug his shoulders and admit he didn’t have a Clubcard at the checkout ever again.

“If people would just get a loyalty card, it would make everything so very much easier, ” said Bernadine Traynor, after taking ten minutes to calm down.

“They wouldn’t have to act all sheepish when I ask them if they have one, and I wouldn’t have to offer them one for the six hundredth time like some sort of Clubcard mad bitch”.

Worse than the people who refuse to get a Clubcard are the people who never carry their card with them, added Traynor.

“‘Oh, I have a Clubcard but I left it at home’, they’ll say” she said, shaking her head.

“What the fuck good to you  is it there?”.