Local Man Can’t Explain Why He Likes Kicking The Shit Out Of People After A Few Drinks

A LOCAL man who turns violent on nearly every occasion alcohol graces his lips is still at a loss as to why he likes beating the head off random strangers for no reason, WWN can reveal.

Thomas D’Arcy, with an address in the Ireland area of Europe, spent much of Saturday night pacing the floor of his local night club staring at fellow young men in the hope that he would catch their eyes, offering him the perfect opportunity to say “what the fuck are you looking at?” followed by some sustained punches to the innocent person’s face.

“Sometimes I don’t even say that, I just skip straight to the punching,” the talented local GAA player confirmed.

However, despite these kind of events becoming a regular occurrence for the 22-year-old, D’Arcy is no closer to identifying the reasons for this.

“It’s definitely nothing to do with the drinking anyway, sure I only had the one bottle of whiskey on Saturday, and it’s nothing to do with my Dad leaving, so don’t bring that up or else I’ll kick your fucking head in,” D’Arcy explained.

“We all know the feeling though, shite job, being unhappy and catching sight of some lad who’s laughing away with friends, it’s like he’s laughing at me and he knows I don’t like myself at all – it’s called letting off steam. But, like I said, I haven’t a clue why this keeps happening,” D’Arcy added.

While D’Arcy confirmed he had no plans on hospitalising someone he has never met, he couldn’t rule out that he would add another person to his long list of assaults.

“Ah, it’s grand though, the lads on the team always jump in and stop me before I can land a really hard kick to the head. Thank God, ‘cus jaysus, you might be able to say I have a problem if they didn’t, but thankfully I don’t,” D’Arcy concluded.