Coconut Water: The Shocking Truth

ALTHOUGH hailed as a miraculous beverage capable of hydrating you faster than a tsunami, Coconut Water, the latest health craze to hit the country, has a dark secret which is only starting to come to light.

Praised for being low calorie, fat-free and high in vitamins, there is something about Coconut Water that manufacturers don’t want the public to find out:

It tastes like piss.

Recent tests have proved conclusively that Coconut Water is one of the most foul tasting drinks available on the market, and no amount of health benefits could make any sane or reasonable person drink more than one sip out of a carton.

And yet more and more companies are advertising Coconut Water as a cool, refreshing drink suitable for any time of the day, after exercise, or even when out socialising.

Billboards and posters show a bottle of Coconut Water beside a beach, with cool waves rolling on the shore. The image suggests that Coconut Water is delicious, like Lilt or a big mug of Fanta. The harsh reality is that Coconut Water tastes like neither of these things: it tastes like something is terribly wrong. It tastes bad.

Will the public wise up to the shocking truth of Coconut Water before it’s too late, or will companies continue to latch onto the latest fad and convince an impressionable public that an inferior product is something that it just isn’t? Time will tell.