5 Ways The World Has Changed While Eamon Lillis Was In Jail
WHEN convicted man-slaughterer Eamonn Lillis walks free from prison today the world he steps into will be unrecognisable to the one he left behind five years ago.
Lillis, who accidentally caused the brick-assisted death of his wife Celine Cawley in their Howth home in 2008, will feel like some sort of time-traveller or alien visitor to a strange planet when the doors of Wheatfield prison swing open and he emerges a free man. Here’s five ways the world has changed since he went in…
1) His iPhone 3GS is totally outdated
Smartphone technology has gone through several generations since Lillis, who initially claimed his wife had been attacked by an intruder, went into the big house. Lillis’ iPhone 3GS, once the market leader, is now a dinosaur, replaced recently with the iPhone 6. Lillis was in jail so long, he missed both the iPhone 4 and the iPhone 5. What must he think of Facetime? It probably appears to him as some sort of voodoo.
2) The Olympics were in London
Due to his incarceration for repeatedly accidentally hitting his wife in the head with a brick, Lillis totally missed the 2012 games in London. He probably hasn’t a clue who won what… can you imagine that?
3) Barack Obama has slightly greyer hair
The political landscape of the world must be a baffling maze to Lillis, who missed several key world events while serving less time for manslaughter than most people get for theft. At the time of Lillis’ conviction in 2010, the US president was Barack Obama, and now, 60 months later, it’s… still Barack Obama. With greyer hair! Lilis must be all like WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
4) My garden shed needs painting again
I gave my shed a coat of Ronsealf 5-Year Fencelife shortly after Eamonn Lillis went into jail, and now it’s getting kinda faded and shabby looking. Eamon Lillis is not familiar with my shed, but if he had seen it back then and saw it today, he’d turn to me and say “your shed could do with a lick of paint, bai”.
5) NEW TENNERS!
This will give Eamonn Lillis a bigger headache than the one he gave his wife when he grew tired of her being all alive and stuff. Ten euro notes now look slightly different than they did five years ago. Lillis will have time to get used to them though, as he looks set to pocket €1.3 million upon release from jail from sales of assets co-owned by the wife that he killed. Be strong, Eamonn!