Murder Suspect To Carry Out Murder Investigation In Russia

THERE were huge expressions of relief in Russia as one of the leading suspects in the murder of Russian opposition leader Boris Nemtsov placed himself personally responsible for overseeing the investigation into the murder.

The murder, which sent shock waves across the world, occurred close by the Kremlin with some news outlets confirming the exact distance, stretching measuring tape out until it met the walls of the Kremlin.

Nemtsov, the leader of the opposition RPR Parnassus Party played a key part in organising an anti-Kremlin rally, which was set to take place on the first of March. Instead, thousands attended a march in memory of Nemtsov and in opposition to his murder.

“I think what people are most happy about in the aftermath of this tragedy, which was possibly politically motivated, is that we have our leader Vladimir Putin taking a hands on approach to solving this crime,” Kremlin spokesman Arcady Karloff told WWN.

Karloff however, denied that Putin has taken to the streets in a beige mac coat while puffing on a cigar, interviewing the general public in the same vein as the Russian leader’s favourite detective, Columbo.

Some cameras picked up Putin holding up shell casings from bullets and gently sniffing them before pointing off into the distance and saying “they went that way”.

Putin is believed to be the first detective in the history of modern policing to simultaneously play both good and bad cop, leading to continued frustration and confusion amongst many of the Russian people.

As lead investigator, Putin was able to dismiss lines of inquiry that related to himself and confirmed claims that Nemtsov feared for his life and stated “I’m afraid Putin will kill me” were ‘of no importance to the investigation’.