Satire Vows Not To Negotiate With Terrorists

SATIRISTS around the world have reaffirmed their continued commitment to ridiculing specious and redundant intolerance long abandoned by rational human beings.

While those deeply offended by depictions of the Prophet Muhammed have been critical of so-called ‘satirical extremists’, the pencil of the cartoonist and the pen of the writer have yet to murder anyone in cold blood.

Early indications from the human race suggests that satire and satirists should continue their ‘no negotiation’ policy when it comes to terrorists who claim to be honouring a prophet whose teachings contradict their actions at every turn.

The human race has also encouraged people to speculate on the laughably minute size of the terrorists’ penises if it helps in any way to bring a smile to their faces.

Many satirists from all corners of the globe have been quick to point out that the killing of innocent people as they simply carried out a day’s work is far more offensive than any cartoon could ever hope to be.

Such instances of rank intolerance and violence will continue to provide fertile ground for those rational individuals who try to reduce such incidents to bigoted ruins.

Satire, the long standing artistic endeavour which aims to ridicule people’s folly, vice, politics or belief systems, has confirmed it will not negotiate with groups or individuals which seek to alter our concept of free speech through acts of terror.

Speaking exclusively to WWN, the much publicised seven virgins, which await self-professed martyrs in heaven confirmed they actually prefer their men to be less bloodthirsty and mindlessly dogmatic. They added that they were so disgusted by such violent acts they were now done waiting and would vacate heaven post haste.

Meanwhile the UN has confirmed that ‘the right to be offended’ is not yet a basic human right reserved only for heinous terrorists, but the right to freedom of opinion and expression is indeed contained in the UN’s declaration of human rights.